Do you ever think your life is one big square peg surrounded by a thousand tiny, round holes? That’s me these days. Maybe it’s thirty-something angst. Will my life be what I want it to be? At the end, will I look back and, like Frankie, say I did it my way?

Lately, I’ve had my doubts. Certainly, if it was all over today, I wouldn’t be thrilled with the end result. That’s not to say I don’t think I have a great life. I do. I have a fabulous life. It’s just not the life I would choose if given the option on a multiple choice exam. Rather, I would choose to travel, volunteer, buy a cabin by a lake or a tiny house on a little known beach. I would give up my day job and admit I really don’t like doing administrative work. I would finally admit I really don’t want to work in public health – even though I thought it was fun to study. I would sit in my study and write. I would sit out by the lake and write. I would go back to school – not for career advancement, but because I find it fascinating, because I love to learn. I would stop trying to be practical and that oh so grown up word – responsible. Seriously, responsibility is overrated.

Funny thing is, the life I dreamed of when I was a kid is most certainly not the life I would want to live today. I was sold on the idea of expensive things, nice suits and a stable job to make me happy. Those things don’t produce happiness. I wish people would stop telling kids they do. Why make them grow up and become uncreative, underproductive and, ultimately, unhappy?

In this country of the middle class, we are expected to reach a certain level in life, own a certain type of home, keep a certain type of job. Our parents work hard so that we can do better than they did. But what does it mean to do better than your parents? I’d say you’re doing better if you’re even happier than they were. But that’s not the intention. It really means you should have nicer things than they did. Tell me, is a big house and a nice car worth not having the time to really get to know your kids?

Personally, I think our priorities are off kilter. And at this point in my life, I don’t really care what other people think. I’m going to find my way. At the end, I will look back and say, “I did it my way.”

photo credit: ePublicist