Choosing to follow a path that is different from what is typical is sometimes difficult. It’s easy to feel alone, frustrated, confused.
At least, that’s been my experience.
Luckily, I’ve had an amazing group of people cheering me on. The response I’ve gotten from others when I’ve told them I left my job to pursue my dreams has been overwhelmingly positive. Most people tell me they think I’m brave. They ask how I got the guts to walk away from a secure job, to walk away from my safety net.
My answer is usually something like this, “I have no idea. I don’t feel brave at all. Actually, I’m scared to death.”
It’s easy to appear confident. It’s harder to actually be confident.
If I’m lucky, I’ll get two or three good days a week — days I feel like a rockstar. That’s when I’ve got it figured out. I may not have all the answers, but I’m damn sure on my way to getting them.
The other days? I feel more like a misfit — or a mess. In the back of my mind, I wonder how on Earth I’m going to come out of this on top. How will I be able to turn my passion into a paycheck? Will I be able to write a novel that’s even somewhat worthy of publication? Does the market have room for yet another writer? What do I have to add that somebody hasn’t already said or done?
When I’m feeling down, I usually voice my concerns to S. He listens; he tells me that I’m intelligent and talented and perfectly capable of doing exactly what I dream of doing. Yesterday, he said to me, “I think I have more faith in you than you have in yourself.”
I told him that was a damn good thing because I’m going to need all the help I can get.
It’s been almost a month since I walked away from that steady job of mine. I love working on my own. I love having the freedom to set my own schedule and set my own priorities. Now I just hope that my confidence in my ability to turn this into a permanent gig will start to increase.
Right now, I’m feeling a little shakey.
I know, I should focus on the good stuff — like finishing my book, planning my next trip and seriously owning this part of the journey. I’m just not sure how to bridge the gap between appearing confident and being confident.
My friend, M, believes wholly in the art of faking it. You know — fake it ’til you make it. Let’s hope one day I wake up to realize I’m not faking it anymore.
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Wow. You totally hit the nail on the head. This is exactly how I feel – sometimes I have everything together and I know exactly what I’m doing, but the other times I feel so lost & stuck. I think that the best thing to do is to focus on the good days and keep on “fakin it” until you make it. What also helps me is to remember how unhappy I was when I was living the conventional life. I know that I am 10 times better off going off the path and following my heart. Great insights!
Nailah
I can relate! All the what-ifs start to hit after you’ve made the jump. But you’re doing the right thing to try and focus on the present, without worrying about the future. (Easier said than done.) It WILL be worth it.
It’s really hard to make a change like that, but most people wind up much happier for it in the long run. Besides two or three good days is probably better than 75% of the population.
You guys are awesome – thanks!! It’s good to know I’m not alone in this!
Nailah – You are so right. When I think about how unhappy I was going the traditional path, I definitely know I’ve made the right decision. I need to keep that front and center in my mind.
Alexis – YES…focus on the present. That’s my mantra these days!
OG – Never thought of it like that – but so true! 2 or 3 days is probably better than most people. Thanks!
It is natural to have doubt. You have made a courageous step. Hang in there and follow your heart and all will work out as you want it to. I just watched a bio on Clint Eastwood the other night, it was interesting how much he starved while trying to follow his passion. You have the desire and the passion and I am sure the talent, you will get there.
Thank you, Mark! It means a ton that people are supporting me in this. I love learning about other people’s journeys (like the Clint Eastwood bio you watched) – it can be incredibly inspiring to see that it wasn’t always easy for them, but they kept at it, and now they’re a total success. Thanks for that.
Alexis hit the nail on the head! Living in the present has been the key for me. The moment I start thinking about whether I’ve done the right thing in quitting my job, or what my future plans are, or how I’m going to accomplish them, or how the world will react – that’s when the worry, self-doubt, and the “what the heck was I thinking?!?!” sets in. Living in the present and taking things day by day means you can conveniently avoid those thoughts
When I first quit my job, I was like you and I had more bad days than good days, but one day I realized I hadn’t had a bad day in awhile. Things just started to “be” better – even if everything wasn’t perfect, the negativity that I had associated with my “former life” had vanished and it was easier to just enjoy life and keep pursuing my passions 
Thank you so much for this, Eran. It’s great to hear your perspective as someone who’s been through a similar situation. On those good days, I find myself somewhat surprised by just how relaxed and calm I feel about everything – that’s my big clue that I’m doing the right thing. I’m looking forward to the day I realize that I haven’t had a ‘bad’ day in a while – now, that will be wonderful!