Dear Self,

Hard to believe you’re eighteen, isn’t it?  You’re officially an adult – sort of.  Okay, not really.  You want the best advice I’ve got?  Don’t grow up too fast. Car payments, credit card bills, career decisions – all of that can wait.  Let yourself be a kid a few years longer.  Let yourself play.  Have fun.  You never have enough of that.

Right about now you should be ready to graduate high school.  Your much out of touch guidance counselor will soon ask what college you’ll attend in the fall.  Don’t be embarrassed.  Be honest.  Ask for help. Tell him you have no idea what you’re doing with your future, but you want something more than a minimum wage job and a crappy apartment.

Don’t blame yourself for your circumstances.  And don’t dwell on them either.  You deserve the best. Now own that fact.

Speaking of college – GO!  Don’t wait.  Don’t listen to the people around you that don’t know better. Believe in yourself. You may think you can’t afford an education, but trust me – you’ll go far.  I know for sure you’ll at least get through grad school.  I have a sneaking suspicion you’ll get around to that Ph.D. too.

And when you get to college, don’t give in to the pressure to declare your major.  Besides, I know for a fact you’ll change your mind at least three times.  Use that first year to your advantage – be undeclared. And be proud of it.

Try all kinds of classes.  Get to know your professors.  Don’t be shy. Volunteer.  Try different types of work.  Most of all, take your time.  Explore.

But before you even get to college, you’re going to meet a guy.  When you meet him, you’ll know he’s not right for you.  Trust your gut.  That may be the first time a guy really pays attention to you – but I promise, it won’t be the last.  You’ll grow into yourself.  You really will.  So don’t be persuaded because you like the attention.  Because your gut will be right.  He’s not good for you.  Don’t waste your time.  And since I know you won’t head this advice, and you’ll date him anyway – be sure to forgive yourself when it all goes sour.  It’s part of your journey. Better things are coming.

On that subject, do yourself a favor and spend a lot of time being single. Enjoy it.  Take advantage of all the time you have to just be you.  Discover your likes and dislikes.  Discover who you truly are.  Never allow a man to define you.  And when you slip up, when you do allow a man to define your life – forgive yourself.  I can’t say that enough.  There’s a lot to learn on this journey.  We’re all bound to screw up a few times.

And in case you want more advice, here it is – travel.  I know you think you can’t afford it, but do it anyway.  I promise, you won’t miss the money you spend.  But you will miss the experiences if you don’t go.  So do it.  See the world.  Explore. When you get the chance to study abroad as an undergrad – take it!  Trust me, you’ll regret it if you don’t.  And when you’re in grad school and you get that chance to go to China – go.  Believe me; you won’t notice the difference in your student loan debt.  It’ll take you twenty years to pay off no matter how you look at it.  A few thousand dollars won’t make or break you.

Perhaps most important:  fourteen years from now, when you look back at what you could have/should have/would have done – don’t beat yourself up over it. Close your eyes, take a breath, then let it go.  Forgive yourself for what you did do.  Forgive yourself for what you didn’t do.  Each day will be a chance to start over.  Each day will be an opportunity to take a different path.  The world is full of possibilities.  So get out there.  Make them your reality.

Don’t be afraid to be you.  Be bold.  Be brave.  Be authentic.

Sincerely,

photo credit: c.a.muller